S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. He is the Founder and . After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. She also liked her scotch. Did you make it all by yourself? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! 41. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. But yours is.. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". . Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. 2. Read more. Large mahogany desk.. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Theres a post recall and he went to work. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. A LOOtenant! Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Semper Pie After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Do you have change for a dollar? Airmens mess, sir.. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Did it work? Aviation Humor. Full Disclosure Here. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. We recommend our users to update the browser. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? 3. The tenant shook her head. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? 14. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. At least SEVEN Cs! Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". I was very nervous, she said. Pilots 5. SUB sandwiches! But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. We are directly under the moon.. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. The Army will post guards around the building. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Return to Humor Index. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 33. 10. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". We were a tough group. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Pizza de Resistance I set out a roach bombthey defused it. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. (Hang up. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. The reason? 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest You divertyour course! Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? They know how to take up space. 38. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Thanks. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. 13. Long Haul